Growing faith


A recurring theme throughout my life has been the desire to respect others. Sure, some parts of my personality can be a thorn to some, but who amongst us can say that is not true for any person. In my early teens, I allowed my peers to turn my heart to hardness. This lasted until I was in my mid-twenties. One thing that I know marked these years was the mere fact that I had become selfish and self-serving.
When I became born again at twenty-six the man, what I should have been came back into existence. A man that God knew and recognized. (See my post “Overwhelming sin” to understand what I meant by this statement). The man returned to what the boy I had been before I allowed my peers to turn me into what I had become in the dark years.
I learned to give into my desires and wants in those years. I allowed myself to listen to only myself. Not caring if I hurt people. Many of these people were girls and women, especially when I turned eighteen.
Regret is one thing that has crossed my mind more than once over the last quarter of a century plus. Sometimes this regret causes me to do things that help others. Then there are times this regret has made me avoid situations out of fear they may be a repeat of something from my past that I do not wish to go through again. I feel these regrets are due to me trying to think of others before myself.
Too many times in the Bible we are told be humble, placing others before ourselves. The emphasis is too poignant that true faith requires humility, thus selflessness. When you are selfish, you are not acting for God. When thinking of your own desires no matter how little or big you have placed yourself before others.
I really think it is in all of us to be humble. I know I was humble when I was a child and had forgotten it due to pain and humiliation. How I returned to it is where free-will comes into play. I felt wrong from my behavior. I felt more guilt as I became more selfish. I do not know if others experience this and hide it, but it allowed me to face myself and realize this is not what God wanted for me or us for that matter. So I chose through the act of free-will to return to what I was taught in my youth.
I know I am not perfect. No human can ever be perfect. I know I have overcome sins that would have turned me into someone other then what I am. I know not only that it was God, but an inner strength that has allowed me to grow into the man I am today. Where did I get this inner strength? From my trials I have face throughout my life. Without these trials, I feel I would in no way be the man I am today.
All I do know is that the man that types these words today is in fact someone who deserves to be call a man, since there is a difference between being male and being a man. It is by God and for God that I am here, and I praise Him for that.

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