Confessions of a screwed up middle aged man: the wall flower

When I went to high school, I was a wall flower. Now mind you, as a teen, I didn’t mind this too much. Like any normal teen it did affect me, but overall I would say it was a balance of caring and yet not caring.
Now why bring this up now, forty years later?
Within the last few week I attended a Men’s Retreat at the church I started to attend. This was the first time I have ever done this. It was an eye opening experience.
It showed me the humanity of all. This is something that should not make those that go to churches proud. This is not something for those men that do go to Men’s Retreats to feel pride and joy in what they “accomplished,” either.
I was once again the wall flower. The person off to the side looking in. This time though, being a Christian. A follower of Jesus Christ. In a group that professed to being the same. Being the wall flower is somewhere I should not have found myself.
In the way those that are the Pastors, not only of this church I know attend, but any church, teach. Once you are of the family of Christ. You are welcomed and loved as a brother or sister. A fellow child of God.
This was not how I felt. I saw once again the clicks, and social groups of High School. I literally saw myself shoved of to the side. Someone to be ignored and not associated with. This is not the teaching of the Bible. This is not the message of salvation within the Bible.
We cannot, nor ever should, place our beliefs in how those of humanity perceive us. Be they within the fellowship of Jesus Christ or not.
Why is this?
Because they are only human. They have their own interpretation of the Bible, most of which, is flawed and broken. Even my own view is not perfect, nor will it ever be.
What I find ironic is the first group session of the retreat was to reach out and to seek to befriend all. Yet those at this gather really did not listen for the most part. There were those that did embrace this teaching and were out going and friendly. Even unto me. Yet for the most part. If you were not of the click you were not welcome within the conversation.
It is sad. Very, very sad.
For they do not see that their own action turn those away that seek a relationship with Jesus Christ. Yet due to not understanding that God’s love of all is equal and undying. People seeking God see those within a church behaving like the jocks and the preps in High School. Turning their backs upon them instead of welcoming them with arms open. In just the way Jesus Christ Himself is desiring to do. Embracing all that come seeking Him and His Father.
This is one reason churches are dying. For they are filled not with the love of Jesus Christ and His Father. However, they are filled with the exclusion, and the segregation of human scruples which has ever been present. For the separation of social classes due to how humanity sees worldly wealth, to the color of one’s skin.
This is not how God see us. God sees all as equal. Those that accept Him to those that deny Him. God loves ALL OF HUMNAITY.
He desires all to come to Him. To stand before Him. Yet He already knows that most will never do so. To God this is something He has wept about, and will weep over once again. For all of humanity must choose their own fate.
Will they come to God through Jesus Christ and accept the teaching of the Bible? Desiring to abandon all sin. Or will they choose to reject Him, because their lusts for the pleasures of this temporal world are more important to them then their own eternal salvation.
These are lessons even those that go to churches have not fully learned and accepted in many cases. As a result their actions which causes those that seek to be their fellows in Jesus Christ are shunned and reject. Many times, without them even being aware that they are not acting in a Christian manner.
As a result there are those like me. That once again feel the emotions and feeling of exclusion that they many have encountered in high school as they became a flower upon the wall.

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