strength

Confessions of a screwed up middle aged man: trials

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Trials come to all. It is what we are told will happen within the Bible. Some will be by God Himself. Testing our mind and our spirit. Challenging us to think, overcome, and if that does not work turn to His Son the Lord Jesus Christ.
I have been going through one of these trials for about a month now. It is now time to put it into typed words what it is like to be going through this time of stress and hopefully growth in my faith.
From outward appearances the outcome seem to be bright, and bless by God. From within the struggle even though I do see the outward manifestation that is to come I still must make it through the dark tunnel to the light that awaits upon the other side of it.
It is not important the details of the trial before me, but it is one that in the long run will strengthen and hopefully allow my family to bond and to join as one. Through this trial I have seen the change within me from the man I was before my year of Job and the man I am today. I am actually doing things I only, maybe, thought of doing a few years ago. Now I know when the burden is more than I can carry on my own so I seek support from my soon to be wife and if that is still not enough we join together in pray. Turning over to God and allowing Him to lead us down the road He see that is best for us to go down. Should I go to pray first? I cannot answer that without thinking: “where is the growth?” A parent wishes his child to learn to stand upon their own two feet and not lean upon the parent anymore but to prove themselves to be adults. This I think is how God wishes us to grow as well. To stand upon our own two feet for as long as we can, but I must add that He wishes us to know when it is time to turn to Him and His Son and to seek their guidance and comfort.
It is hard to explain how to “know” which is the correct road, but I will say this. I can tell when it is me making the choice and when it is God directing me. I can sense within me that it is Him influencing me through the Holy Spirit, for I can tell it is coming not from within me, but from an external force that is guiding me down the right road.
It is important that people that call themselves “Christian” come to learn the difference, for when they do not, more times than not they listen to themselves more then they listen to God. As a result we have the society we now live within. A society full of pseudo-Christians, otherwise known as “hypocrites,” that cater to the latest whim and fad of “faith” being taught to them by those that have no real concept of God themselves. This is the thing that Jesus had to deal with when He walked the earth over two thousand years ago and had to deal with the leaders of the Jewish faith that would later crucify Him. They did not know because they did not listen God that Jesus was His Son, but on the third day when He rose from the dead all learned that He was truly the Son of God. Many today, even those that “lead” churches live like they are Pharisees.
A true believe in God and His Son the Lord Jesus Christ is to have the knowledge within oneself that God is not “in” you. True the Holy Spirit can fill you, for I have felt the pouring of the Holy Spirit into me, but I also know that the spiritual world and the real world are two different places. God, His Son and the Holy Ghost can and have gone between these two realms. We cannot at this time, but we are promised that we will when we loss the corrupted with the uncorrupted. It is from the spiritual place that we receive direction from God, which is beyond this temporal form we now live in. When can learn the difference through trials of your faith, much like the one I am now going through. You learn how to grow in your believe in God and His Son the Lord Jesus Christ.

Overwhelming sin

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Overcoming what one can call an overwhelming sin is one of the toughest things any person can face in their life. But what is an overwhelming sin? It is a sin that can change your life. The most extreme example I can think of is murder. Taking the life of another human being changes your life as well as the life of those that loved the one that was taken away. It also affects those that would have been influenced and helped by the person that is no longer there. So as you can see in this example an overwhelming sin affects you, as well as anyone that could be affected by its presents in your life. Overwhelming sins are those sins that change your very nature.
I have no doubt that all struggle with an overwhelming sin. I know I have had to deal with one since I was a teenager. A sin that rears its ugly head in times when my spirit is at its most vulnerable. It occurs in a time when other events in the world take up most of your time and effort. Then suddenly it appears, unexpectedly. At times, the sin over powers you to a degree, but soon guilt starts to hit you, then remorse, then repentance. This is how all sins work, but the overwhelming sin as mentioned above can affect your entire life as well as those about you. It is not a minor sin like saying a curse word. But one that reaches deep inside your very soul and causes the person that you should be in God’s eyes into someone that is not even recognizable.
The core of the problem I have found in my own personal experience is selfishness. It all boils down to this one simple fact. I was thinking only of myself. I gave no care to anyone or anything. I must satisfy myself and I do not care what anyone says, thinks or feels. It is this one feeling that dictates all. The very fact that all must revolve and be only for me is the foundation to all sin, especially the overwhelming one.
We are to be humble. We are to make ourselves the servant, especially those that are in a place of leadership. We are to place everything ahead of ourselves. It is this, which is one of the biggest struggles that any person has to go through. When someone finally realizes that they are not the focal point of the world. That they are merely one of the cogs inside the watch and not the watch itself that true change can take place. It is here that the overwhelming sin can be driven back and bury. If not forever for at least long enough to allow you to grow into what God wants you to grow into.
Many in today’s world are surrendering to selfishness. In many cases, even the government is encouraging this behavior. All need to think, all need to realize, that we are not here to satisfy only your own selfish wants or desires. We are here to address the needs of others. We need to be humble and not seek to please ourselves, but to help those in pain and suffering. Pain and suffering that in many cases was thrust upon them by the act of someone thinking only of themselves and their own satisfaction. Someone who has lost the battle to overcome their overwhelming sin.