divorce

Confessions of a screwed up middle aged man: The case of the “unmarried.”


In one of the groups I belong to on Facebook. One of the other members wrote a post about once you are divorced you can never remarry. He went to the point of stating that if someone remarries, not only the couple doing so, but the clergymen preforming the service are, per him, blaspheming against God.
I was led to 1 Corinthians 7 to address this issue. Here it is laid out by the requirements for marriage.
6 – But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
I must add that the verses encapsulated within this chapter deal with several aspects of not only marriage, but of natural sexual behavior as it has to do with the teachings of the Bible and Jesus Christ.
What must be established is first being chased. We are to remain virgins till marriage. If we never marry we are to remain this way.
Now as is pointed out in verse eight, the need to avoid sin comes into play. The person that wrote the posting in Facebook took the word “unmarried” to mean single. By his meaning, that they never have been married. However let’s look at how this verse is presented by Paul, who was celibate. His admonition in verse seven makes this clear. His desire is that all seek to achieve this end, but he realizes that there is temptation for those that have experienced natural sexuality with a spouse. So those that have lost their spouse due to death, which leaves them widowed, or divorced in many cases. Have a memory due to the natural desire to reproduce our species, of an act that if done out of wedlock is seen as a sin by God.
So let’s examine the word “unmarried”
Unmarried is “agamos” in the Greek and is defined as: “unmarried, of a person not in a state of wedlock, whether he or she has formerly been married or not.”
This is fortified by the way it is used in 7:11
“And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.”
Any who find themselves not married even after being married are seen as “unmarried.” So why give reference to the “widowed.” For one, they had their spouses removed from them without their consent. It also shows that those that have divorced fit within the verse as well.
So we come to verse nine:
“But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.”
Contain – egkrateuomai – properly, to exercise self control – literally “exercising dominion, from within.”
So as can be seen here it shows that if we cannot maintain self-control to remain chased then we are allowed to marry to prevent falling into sin and thus damnation.

Confessions of a screwed up middle-aged man


What is it to love a woman? What are the factors that cause you to choose one person from another? I have cared for several girls and women since I first realized I liked the opposite sex. How old was I? Four?
The first girl I cared for was in Great Falls, Montana. Her name was Wendy. She was a brunette and she had blue eyes. She was rather beautiful to a five your old boy, but then she was five herself.
My first full-blown crush was when I was fourteen. Her name was Sue. I was extremely awkward. I did not know how to act at all at that age. I was shy beyond all measure because of my gawkiness. I do remember dancing with her. She had long brown hair and dark brown eyes. She had one of the sweetest personalities, but due to my ungainliness, possibly I was not her type. Therefore, it was an unrequited encounter.
As I look back on my relationships, I come to the uncomfortable realization. I have loved the women in my live more than they have loved me. How can I say this? My first wife chose to look for older men then stay married to me. My second wife admitted to me that she tricked me into marrying her and that she did not love me. Was I naive? I guess so.
In a way, I feel I deserve to be without a woman in my life. My first wife I met in my years when God was not in my life. That did not happen until six years later. Of all the women in my life, I miss her the most. Mainly because she left me not the other way around like in my second marriage.
One thing I need to learn to do, and apparently have not is place this in God’s hand. I know due to free-will we must make some effort in relationships on our own, but still I feel I should be praying more before I act.
Only time will tell. One thing is for sure. I do not want to spend the next billion years without someone by my side. There will be so many adventures in that time. So many wonders to see and I want to be able to share them.