Confessions of a screwed up middle aged man: As I seek

As I look about me for a new mate. I watch how ladies act. I find myself checking their left hand for a ring on a certain finger. I comptemplate how we might progress in our possible future as I am determined to work for only nine more years.
I also wonder if that retirement will be as I hope as I see the nation I call home falling apart about me.
I use to prefer ladies younger than me. Even at one point dating a nineteen year old when I was thirty-three. My last wife was even eleven years younger than me, to be honest. Now though that is not what I seek. Now they need to be much closer to my age. They should be looking forward to their retirement as I am. I so want to travel this country once again. I desire to camp within the Rockies and watch the sun change the shadows upon then as the day passes.
I know there is someone out there. But where? There are so many issues to overcome when growing a relationship. They are challenges I know I can overcome. I could have even stayed with my last wife if she could have overcome her selfish behavior. She did not. The stress she placed upon me would have continued to turn what hair I had left upon my head from grey to white as my beard is now.
How do you find a woman that does not smoke or only care for herself?
Dating sites are a joke because the ladies there are seeking a fantasy they will never find. I still laugh inside as I see that they will only give you the time of day if you look like a superhero, and have all their virtues as well.
Well I have the virtues. I am kind, caring, loving, but I have a beer belly even though I do not drink or smoke. I have worked hard my entire life for the most part. I even have damaged lungs because I insisted on being a hard worker. Yet I cannot get a worthwhile lady to even give me the time of day.
As I have stated before this corruptible body is only a temporary body. Used in this lifetime that will be like a blink of the eye compared to our real life we are promised by God. A life that will last billions of years in a body that will not only look like a superheroes, but also have the abilities of one. To be able to travel in an instant to anywhere in the universe, to be muscular and strong, and yet still have the kindness and caring you developed in the corruptible life. How humbling that will be to know that it took corruption to instill true kindness and thoughtfulness. The good man I am now will be the man then in the service of Christ.
Is it then that I will finally meet my mate or will she already be there at my side from this current life?

To the gentle people

How does someone try to show who he or she really are? It can take years to truly know someone. It can take longer if they hide their true self from you. Be it intentionally or out of fear. Those that do it out of fear, do it out of shame, usually, for some action that happened to them before they met the party that wishes to know who they are.
Then there are those tout there that truly desire to share, not only their past, be it good or bad, but their future as well. They look at the world with a child’s excitement, yet they remember getting their fingers burned figuratively speaking. This burning is impressed upon them, which makes them shy, stand offish, or slow to act when someone seeks to get to learn more about them. Kind caring people like that have the hardest time in the world.
Repeatedly they run into someone that tries to tear them down. Yet time and again they spring back for the most part. Sometimes they become jaded. Sometimes they start to become like those that attempt to tear them down.
It is times like this that they need to seek something more then themselves. Many seek out an escape through a diversion, or a substance. Many retreat into themselves. There is another option though; one that has been there longer then any of us.
It is something that will accept all as they are at this moment. Yet it will allow those that seek to return to the kind and gentle-person they started as.
In time when that person is ready within themselves it will ask them to change into someone who will stop thinking of themselves, and begin to reach out to others. Giving them a kindness that is within them which will cause others to wonder why this person before them is so gentle and compassionate.
Some of these may be the ones that caused the person to become jaded and they will look on in astonishment and start to think how this is possible.
They may ask the person that is kind and caring and this person will respond:
“It is God through His Son Jesus that I am as you see now.”